sleeping in and caffiene makes me irritable!

Slept in today since I was wanting to ‘go easy’ on myself before day 30 when I crank up the workouts to twice a day every day at least 5 days a week… but did something foolish the last few days and drank coffee, and diet soda… all that caffiene is just making me irritable… and cranky…. I need to make it a point to wipe caffiene out of my life. I was doing ok with that goal a while back but then let a little in, and it all snowballed in to addiction again… it’s a very vicious cycle… it’s a very dangerous cycle too, especially with exercise involved since it artificially accelerates heart rate way above where it should be, which is not good during workouts or during ‘rest’ periods…

Stuck some paper clips in the handle of the coffee cup I usually use at work again today and stuck it in the back of the locked file cabinet instead of in it’s usual location on top of the desk in hopes that that might help some…

I might have to ‘mummify’ the wallet again. I didn’t get around to that this week and having that card handy has been causing problems. Caffiene addiction is more than that though.. it’s tough to beat coffee addiction where I work because they have the coffee pot hooked directly up to a water tap, so no one even has to fill the pot up with water… and it’s one of those commercial pot systems that has 3 burners, so as soon as a pot is done, someone will move it to another burner and start up another pot, all day long… as if that’s not bad enough, there’s both sugar and sugar free sweeteners and hot cocoa packets there too, and it’s all less than 20 feet away from where I sit at my cubicle… so I have that smell all day even if I’m not drinking it…

but I’ve done this stopping caffiene thing before, so I know i can do it again…

Just a matter of exerting some willpower…

Also, I think some of the crankiness comes from not working out in morning. That early morning workout makes me feel more in control of life, and full of energy in a good way due to the endorphins, etc. it creates… as well as the weight loss it causes. (weighed in last night 2 lbs over last weigh in — mainly due to lasagna the last few nights as leftovers for dinners and due to Tekla making some yellow cake with chocolate icing a few days ago – very nice of her to do that, but that type of cake and pasta are my downfalls, so the weight comes on like a magnet when they are around…)

so… tomorrow I might reset clock to get up and workout in morning… but only time will tell if I actually work out or not.

————-
darn caffeine always put me in to an eat everything mood… so at the gas station after work I said to hell with it and had the 100 g carb gardettos and King size Kit Kat…

Why does this shit put me in to this overeating mode? Got to stop… got to control it… Damnit… headache from hell makes me want to make the pain go away… and food makes it go away, but only so temporarily… damn it… damn it… damn it… all this creates self hatred and feeling bad about it… which just causes even more vicious cycle from hell… and the cycle continues…

Might work out tonight, but might not.. need to… but…
————-

that’s the problem… butt… and gut… damn it…guilt, shame, self loathing, but why?… that just causes more of the same… got to smile… got the say no more, I can control this and stop… I can turn it around right here… right now…


—-

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s